By Wale Ojo-Lanre
Really? Women! Women? Yes, I just don’t know why God created women!
Maybe you know! They are useless being! How I wish God could kill all of them!
Forget that I am a product of a woman, but then, I just don’t know the sins of women. All of them being women to me, is a mistake! Walahi, a big mistake; save for another sane planet.
But in Africa, women are just nothing; hence, I have vowed never to I mean I can never come back to this earth as a lady. Never. Instead, I prefer to come as a car tyre. Or I will not come at all. A typical woman is a beast of burden. Eon nje pelebe uya, walahi.
Look at me now, woke up from bed at 6 am. Yes, I am in Ibadan, not in the mad city of Lagos. This lady has abandoned me in bed since 4: 30am, doing the chores and ensuring all what?
Of course, my food must be ready before she goes to her office. Women are the pillars, yes, the pillars of the homes. And God knows what they will bear on earth, hence, He built them stronger than men.
God used mud to construct men, hence they are very weak. They cannot keep secrets. Under small pressure, they will start to vomit. They are easily provoked. Their level of tolerance is abysmally low. They, men, are full of jealousy. Just because they are a product of sand that capitulate when engaged with ordinary water.
But women are strong like the rock of Gibraltar. Just because they are made of bones. Strong bones from the hardest part of the man – side bones, the part that reinforces and stabilizes the man. Women are the assets. Without women, the world will be hell to live in. I bow to God. I respect women.
Those who secrete life monthly. Those who recreate and reproduce self. Those who sing for their children in the dead of the night. The awesome mother with the longest shawl. I will never offend you. I will never humiliate you. Neither will I ridicule you in the day, nor flout your laws in the night.
I praise the Lord Almighty. I salute you, women. Let it be well with me. I can never wish you dead; rather, I pray for all of you to live long and long; to live to take care of your husbands in old age and take care of the children and eat the fruit of your labour, after the departure of your aged husbands!
Long you live!
Don’t mind me, I managed to write this after demolishing a bowl of amala with iru infested soup prepared before 5; 30 am.
•Ojo-Lanre, a journalist per excellence, writes from Oniru Chamber, Upper Ogudu River, Irede Estate, Usi-Ekiti in Ekiti State.